todae is the day that my great grandfather will be cremated...he passed away on teachers' day afternoon...wasnt really close to him but i still feel kinda sad...todae my family and i went to the wake and yes its the last day...we prayed and chanted and did all the stuff...i wasnt feeling emotional until they carried the coffin and we walked until the main road which was bout 5-10 mins...i was like telling myself dont cry u can do it...and with the help of shalina, jesrina and their noisy brother shamil i managed to control my tears as the scenario reminded me of my beloved granny...cousins were noisy and it hit the tense atmosphere outta me...which was a good thing...
we had to walk bare footed until we reached the main road...the scorching sun was burning the road, which in turn was burning our feet...the slow melody of the music played made me wanna cry but i controlled it and told myself...think of happy stuff...worked for me and yeah reached the main road...all of us were wearing white with black pants and our beloved great grand father has like 4 generations...n i was the last of course...heard that if he has five before he dies, on his wake ppl will be celebrating and wearing pink for the accomplishment...we were just that close...lols
went up the coaches that took us...4 to be exact...his immediate family already has like 55 members plus all his friends and other ppl its really wow...the cremation place was at Mandai and we took a long bus ride there...on the way i was also trying to tink of happy thoughts...talked to jesrina and it made me calm down a little...
when we reached the place i could sense the super duper tense atmosphere...took this long escalator and reached a super cold room that looks like the inside of a church...everyone took a seat and the coffin was in the center of the room down the stairs...it was decorated with loads of yellow and white flowers by us in the morning when we were still at the void deck...the room was really cold and i had been having some sorta flu for 2 weeks plus...damn uncomfortable...coz i was like standing below one of the air conditions...we prayed and everything den we had to proceed to the viewing room while the coffin takes the lift behind the door...
was feeling super uncomfortable and i didnt noe why but the tears were about to stream out...jesrina kept on asking me questions which kept me from crying but this time she ask..."they going to do what to Ah Zor? Bury Ah?" this question was so innocent i suddenly hope she knew our society...like the size of singapore and hoe burial is a bit difficult...so i told her in a more straight forward manner..."they going to burn Ah Zor"...she was like 0.o? and asked again to make sure..."BURN?!" i nodded and i could speak no more becoz my voice was shaky and anytime later tears will just fall...
we reached the viewing room...for those who are buddhist or have witnessed the cremation...i bet u guys know how i felt...but the worst thing was i only reached the room and 10 seconds later before the coffin even appeared, i broke down...i totally burst into tears at the thought that somebody is gonna be pushed in a fire without hesitation and that my granny went through that before...at first it was a few tears and i managed to wipe them off...but later when my parents noticed me, i totally flooded my face...without sound but was sniffing like mad...was standing at the back so no one noticed cept my parents...mom hugged me and yeah the tears just came out...
we were viewing from this glass thingy at the top...that means we looking down...den there was this track and this machine followed it, carrying the coffin with it...like a lever...it was moving slowly towards this door and the person leading us inside was like telling us to call out to him...let him hear u for the last time and make sure he finds his way to heaven or something like that...i really couldnt help but cry and i wasnt crying becoz of him...was crying becoz of my granny and how much i miss her...its like i've been bottling up and i dont noe bout it until when i cry it out den i realise how much i missed her...
i couldnt stop and soon people in the room followed me...one of the aunts, the friends and yeah almost everyone...my parents didnt though just red eyed...the worst part of the whole thing came...the door opened and we saw blazing fire inside...everyone was like omg and cried harder...i forced myself not to look nor think but nothing seemed to work at that point of time...i was so helpless, letting the horrible memories overpower my mind...and worst thing was when my granny went for cremation, it was manual that means someone will push the coffin into the fire like 2 metres away from u...remembered my parents grabbing me becoz i was struggling and crying like nutz...believe me, if at that time there wasnt that fence to block me out, i would have dived straight in with her...
the thing lasted for like 5-10 mins...remembered one of my relatives chanting and she was crying at the same time...den as the coffin slowly approached the fire her chanting was shaky and it was super obvious that she was crying like nutz...after that we went down and took off our socks and wore our shoes...den we had to take the red packet...my mom was like say i so poor thing coz the nightmare and trauma i had since young has been back to haunt me...but i wasnt the worst case...the maid was...she fainted and needed to guys to carry her out...heard that she had been working for my great grand father for 5 years...poor thing...
we had to take a bus again and yeah i saw my own reflection...quite horrid with red shot eyes...my cousins who were usually noisy and asked damn a lot of questions didnt even dare to speak coz i guess it was the first time they saw me cry...so yeah jesrina slept on my lap on the bus journey back and shalina was drawing on my phone [touch screen]...neither of them dared to ask y i cried but i remember seeing jesrina cry after the viewing coz i guess its her first time...granny's cremation was witnessed by shalina who was older than jesrina...kids just cant feel sad when they dont noe wads happening...
took the bus to the tanah merah temple to pray for my great grand father and to "book" a slot for the tablet...so at the temporary slot the monk came in and everyone put their palms tgt to send him off and make sure he reaches heaven or something...saw 2 cats but wasnt in the mood to take pictures...they were very cute though...halfway through the chanting, "BANG!" and the maid fainted again...everybody was like trying to get her up and its like having more than 10 ppl around her...werent they suppose to move away and give her air...but at that time i guess everyone was too shocked to tink bout it...someone brought a chair and another brought medicated oil...so throughout the chanting she sat down still red eyed after they "revived" her...
the chanting was quite short and finally it ended...we were suppose to go back to the void deck and eat dinner...so we went up the bus again...den the third time the maid fainted...i was like omg coz i saw her hit the ground...i guess throughout these 5 days at the funeral she hasnt been sleeping nor eating properly...tink i will be like her if i was much older when my granny passed away...my mom asked if i felt faint coz she said i cried until very jialat...didnt tink bout tt though...haiz
reached the void deck with Jesrina's head on my lap again..remembered her telling me that my thighs very soft like cushion? quite amused coz it meant i need to go on a diet...ate dinner pack up and stuff den walk home...did housework and everything so was super tired when i finished...den yeah nothing much happened after that...
just hope my great grand dad finds his way to heaven and protect the rest of the family...we will always remember you...thanz 4 reading and hava nice holiday...seeyahsoon: yijing
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todae is the day that my great grandfather will be cremated...he passed away on teachers' day afternoon...wasnt really close to him but i still feel kinda sad...todae my family and i went to the wake and yes its the last day...we prayed and chanted and did all the stuff...i wasnt feeling emotional until they carried the coffin and we walked until the main road which was bout 5-10 mins...i was like telling myself dont cry u can do it...and with the help of shalina, jesrina and their noisy brother shamil i managed to control my tears as the scenario reminded me of my beloved granny...cousins were noisy and it hit the tense atmosphere outta me...which was a good thing...
we had to walk bare footed until we reached the main road...the scorching sun was burning the road, which in turn was burning our feet...the slow melody of the music played made me wanna cry but i controlled it and told myself...think of happy stuff...worked for me and yeah reached the main road...all of us were wearing white with black pants and our beloved great grand father has like 4 generations...n i was the last of course...heard that if he has five before he dies, on his wake ppl will be celebrating and wearing pink for the accomplishment...we were just that close...lols
went up the coaches that took us...4 to be exact...his immediate family already has like 55 members plus all his friends and other ppl its really wow...the cremation place was at Mandai and we took a long bus ride there...on the way i was also trying to tink of happy thoughts...talked to jesrina and it made me calm down a little...
when we reached the place i could sense the super duper tense atmosphere...took this long escalator and reached a super cold room that looks like the inside of a church...everyone took a seat and the coffin was in the center of the room down the stairs...it was decorated with loads of yellow and white flowers by us in the morning when we were still at the void deck...the room was really cold and i had been having some sorta flu for 2 weeks plus...damn uncomfortable...coz i was like standing below one of the air conditions...we prayed and everything den we had to proceed to the viewing room while the coffin takes the lift behind the door...
was feeling super uncomfortable and i didnt noe why but the tears were about to stream out...jesrina kept on asking me questions which kept me from crying but this time she ask..."they going to do what to Ah Zor? Bury Ah?" this question was so innocent i suddenly hope she knew our society...like the size of singapore and hoe burial is a bit difficult...so i told her in a more straight forward manner..."they going to burn Ah Zor"...she was like 0.o? and asked again to make sure..."BURN?!" i nodded and i could speak no more becoz my voice was shaky and anytime later tears will just fall...
we reached the viewing room...for those who are buddhist or have witnessed the cremation...i bet u guys know how i felt...but the worst thing was i only reached the room and 10 seconds later before the coffin even appeared, i broke down...i totally burst into tears at the thought that somebody is gonna be pushed in a fire without hesitation and that my granny went through that before...at first it was a few tears and i managed to wipe them off...but later when my parents noticed me, i totally flooded my face...without sound but was sniffing like mad...was standing at the back so no one noticed cept my parents...mom hugged me and yeah the tears just came out...
we were viewing from this glass thingy at the top...that means we looking down...den there was this track and this machine followed it, carrying the coffin with it...like a lever...it was moving slowly towards this door and the person leading us inside was like telling us to call out to him...let him hear u for the last time and make sure he finds his way to heaven or something like that...i really couldnt help but cry and i wasnt crying becoz of him...was crying becoz of my granny and how much i miss her...its like i've been bottling up and i dont noe bout it until when i cry it out den i realise how much i missed her...
i couldnt stop and soon people in the room followed me...one of the aunts, the friends and yeah almost everyone...my parents didnt though just red eyed...the worst part of the whole thing came...the door opened and we saw blazing fire inside...everyone was like omg and cried harder...i forced myself not to look nor think but nothing seemed to work at that point of time...i was so helpless, letting the horrible memories overpower my mind...and worst thing was when my granny went for cremation, it was manual that means someone will push the coffin into the fire like 2 metres away from u...remembered my parents grabbing me becoz i was struggling and crying like nutz...believe me, if at that time there wasnt that fence to block me out, i would have dived straight in with her...
the thing lasted for like 5-10 mins...remembered one of my relatives chanting and she was crying at the same time...den as the coffin slowly approached the fire her chanting was shaky and it was super obvious that she was crying like nutz...after that we went down and took off our socks and wore our shoes...den we had to take the red packet...my mom was like say i so poor thing coz the nightmare and trauma i had since young has been back to haunt me...but i wasnt the worst case...the maid was...she fainted and needed to guys to carry her out...heard that she had been working for my great grand father for 5 years...poor thing...
we had to take a bus again and yeah i saw my own reflection...quite horrid with red shot eyes...my cousins who were usually noisy and asked damn a lot of questions didnt even dare to speak coz i guess it was the first time they saw me cry...so yeah jesrina slept on my lap on the bus journey back and shalina was drawing on my phone [touch screen]...neither of them dared to ask y i cried but i remember seeing jesrina cry after the viewing coz i guess its her first time...granny's cremation was witnessed by shalina who was older than jesrina...kids just cant feel sad when they dont noe wads happening...
took the bus to the tanah merah temple to pray for my great grand father and to "book" a slot for the tablet...so at the temporary slot the monk came in and everyone put their palms tgt to send him off and make sure he reaches heaven or something...saw 2 cats but wasnt in the mood to take pictures...they were very cute though...halfway through the chanting, "BANG!" and the maid fainted again...everybody was like trying to get her up and its like having more than 10 ppl around her...werent they suppose to move away and give her air...but at that time i guess everyone was too shocked to tink bout it...someone brought a chair and another brought medicated oil...so throughout the chanting she sat down still red eyed after they "revived" her...
the chanting was quite short and finally it ended...we were suppose to go back to the void deck and eat dinner...so we went up the bus again...den the third time the maid fainted...i was like omg coz i saw her hit the ground...i guess throughout these 5 days at the funeral she hasnt been sleeping nor eating properly...tink i will be like her if i was much older when my granny passed away...my mom asked if i felt faint coz she said i cried until very jialat...didnt tink bout tt though...haiz
reached the void deck with Jesrina's head on my lap again..remembered her telling me that my thighs very soft like cushion? quite amused coz it meant i need to go on a diet...ate dinner pack up and stuff den walk home...did housework and everything so was super tired when i finished...den yeah nothing much happened after that...
just hope my great grand dad finds his way to heaven and protect the rest of the family...we will always remember you...thanz 4 reading and hava nice holiday...seeyahsoon: yijing